Meet ie churnal staff

Hi this is Tony here, us churnal staff have decided to present a short introduction of ourselves right at the outset, to give our audience an idea of our levels of expertise, personality and you know, shite like that. So heres what we have put together and if I may say, some of it you may find surprising, revealing, even shocking! Or maybe quite tame! Or outlandish. Or frightfully entertaining. Depending on if you are wierd or, or you know? That other thing that means the same as not wierd? What is it again? Ehm? ... Who put that sandwich there? Ew its all squashed! Anyway, in the case of me as dare I say, the leader of this team, you will probably find my own contribution in particular to be very insightful and you may even find you gain a tremendous level of respect and even humility in the presence of my great intellect. You can skip the other bits probably, you've got other things to be doing than reading that clap-trap written by him, that guy, er whatziname? You know I do beleive he may be my son? Doesn't matter anyway. Ehm? ... Where was I? I'm not scottish.
Tony

Tony

I've been with ie Ulpster Churnal in its paperbased form for ooo let me see? Ehm? ... many years now, I think it first appeared in one of my high school jotters, you know as I scribbled away, scribbling different ideas back then in 1984. Of course in those days it wasn't all full of swear words and it was entitled 'Algebra coursework - remedial Level'. Even then ie churnal was very entertaining though, I recall I drew a picture of my mate which looked like a huge penis. It was quite witty. I often used to fantazie about things too, like fantazing about how great a internet world would be. I was there in the days of micronet you know, that was before the Sinclair Spectrum took over with all this wizardry of colourful text which we see now. I upgraded my Sinclair Spectrum to 128k recently. Of course it is this experience that I draw on to hold together this churnal in its present form and that is why 9 out of 10 churnalists would vote for me to be the, once again I hesitate to say it, leader if we had a vote on that matter.

Aaron

What do I bring to ie churnal? What are my unique qualities? What qualities do I look for in a man? And I do look. Look but don't touch thats my motto. Don't touch much - shh darlings ooo behave. What is the current state of affairs in the world of fashion? What colour is the new black? What is happening in the world globally or indeed locally here in Ulpster? What would you do if a man came on to you in a pub and you'd had a couple of shandys? As happened to me recently, I'll tell you later when Morna has gone to bed, no but seriously though. Well these are just a few of the many questions I aim to be answering in the forthcoming weeks. Oooo football might get a mention too such David Beckham as spunky as ever? That new manager was simply horrid to drop him though, unless its for David Ginola maybe, I just don't see the sense. My juices are already flowing with all my thoughts to write about, I'm about to lose control and I think I like it.

Ade

Ade wasn't available to give his introduction so instead we are honoured to welcome the Prime Minister of Great Britain, Mr Tony Blair to provide a few thoughts instead.

People of Britain, in fact people of the world. I am very pleased to welcome Ade to this churnal. Ade is a wonderful person, a person who leads by example, like a shining beacon of light in these often dark times. Resourceful, intelligent, a bit like myself in fact, he is polite has integrity and is honest. What more can I say about this truly great man? I'll be avidly waiting to see what this maestro of words, this genius of literature can conjure up next.

Tony Blair may not have actually made this exact comment.