Aunty Val eaten by a giant sea anenomea

Rumours that auntie Val has been eaten by a giant sea anemone just off the Aberdeenshire coast have not yet been confirmed. It is thought that if she had been eaten, that the sea anemone in question must have been one of the largest specimens yet recorded, if it has been recorded. (If it has been recorded has not yet been recorded). However, a monster such as this one would need a mouth up to a meter in diameter and stinging tentacles up to 3 meters in length or something according to our churnal estimates.

Marine Biologist tells us this anemone was a giant

As ever our top marine biologist Mel Sprite was on hand to enlighten us further, "The biggest sea anemones I've seen are only about about a couple of inches in diameter at the most, certainly the ones in British waters." she explained, "It is highly doubtful such an anemone exists capable of eating an entire person ye knaa. If one has eaten my sister as you say, then it must have been a giant." Mel Sprite then howled and broke down sobbing, eventually whispering in a choked up voice, "ow I bit my toungue."

Images show Auntie Val being eaten

We are keeping our fingers crossed that these rumours turn out to be false however other circumstantial evidence does not give us much hope. Take for example this image we've created using clever graphics manipulation. It clearly shows a person such as auntie Val being eaten by an enormous sea anemone, we can only conclude that such an occurrence is not only possible but in fact probable. If anyone has any updates on this situation we'd appreciate being informed.

Aaron Smell - Churnal Reporter