Dear Aimae - continued

Bebo bebo bebo bebo my little fart knockers. Heres a couple of letters that missed the first batch, but graciously I don't mind as I'm like a light in dark places and stuff.

Dear Aunty Aimee,

I am living in a part of Engerland that has been affected by flooding and have suffered water shortage. As a result my good wife, daughter and I have all been unable to bathe as regularly as we would like and tension in the house is mounting; you see Jaz and Heather ( whoops, my good wife and daughter) smell naturally of sugar and spice and all things nice and I just, well Aimee, to be honest I just pong. You may think I am making a fuss over nothing, but they have moved out and I am left to sit in my own stench. To make things worse, the stress has made my pumps rather more eggy than usual. How can win my family back and sort out my eggy bottom?

Yours, I'd tell you who I am, but I'd have to shred you 'men in black' Fell

Dear "I'd tell you who I am, but I'd have to shred you" men in black Fell,

Stop whining and go to the local swimming baths; a wee splash in the chlorinated water will kill off any stinky bacteria clinging to your being and will give you a new, almost astringent whiff that should last a few days at a time. Hopefully this new pong will enable you to welcome your sugar n spice girls back home which will in turn relax you and neutralise the acidity in your hydrogen sulphide rich pumps.

Voila xxx Much Love Auny Aimee xxx

Dear Aimee

I'm moving home tomorrow and it's really stressing me out. I've been in my safe little home for ages but tomorrow I'm moving to a new big cold noisy metropolis where I won't know many people. I know I should be excited, but I feel scared - what's wrong with me?

Kia Fell -1day

Nothing's wrong with you, Kia. It is a very scary prospect, becoming a little fish in a big pond, and most people find this time in their lives difficult. You can do lots to make it feel more under your control. Ask your parents to find out about induction days. . Try and get together with someone who is going through the same thing, or just has (Joel?) even if you aren't friends at the moment you'll have this in common and can look out for each other during the first few years of this big bad world. You're going to have to do it, so the best tactic is to do it with confidence. Good luck!

Aunty Aimee xxx