Another moral test of society

For part 2 of my thesis on the morals of society I ask this question...

Would you hold, and gently fondle, a homeless man's balls for 20 seconds, in return for a talking dog that impressed/wooed the opposite sex and would virtually guarantee full-blown sex? .

Rules and Regulations

1) You must hold the testicles with either your hands or mouth

2) You must be in the same room as the homeless 'vagabond', so you can collect your 'doggy prize' after the 20 seconds are up.

3) This dog is a puppy, and will live for at least another 15 years.

4) The homeless men in question is a choice between the old guy with the big nose that sits on the church steps at the Holburn end of Union Street , or the junkie that can be found outside 'Somerfield' at the middle of Union Street

5) You must not touch the homeless man's penis, only holding/fondling his balls

6) You can do this sober or drunk, but you must bear in mind that the homeless man will be excited so may feel the urge to take advantage of the opportunity should the 'holder' be drunk

7) The homeless man must be awake during the act

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Answers via comments please. To start the ball rolling I can reveal that my nephew Aaron almost certainly would do it.

They are coming

During a recent video conference call, Baeky McSpiz witnessed three Alien Spacecraft flying in formation in the skies around Ulpster. She happened to notice the spaceships while her correspondent's webcam was being adjusted and had momentarily pointed out the window towards the evening sky. With amazing presence of mind, Baeky quickly pressed the 'print screen' button on her PC and thus captured the moment, which is shown here exclusively in ie Churnal,

Alien spacecraft flying in formation

"I was very proud of my IT knowledge when I captured the image data", explained Baeky to our reporter, "I used my technical knowledge of computing to cut the data and paste the image data. I was multi-tasking by carrying on my conversation while doing this."

Conclusive Proof

Our reporter looked very impressed, and so Baeky, looking pleased elaborated further, "I used an application called MS Paint to paste the data into. You see I remembered this application is able to save images onto the hard drive for storage...

Lost the data

"It appeared for a moment that I had lost the data at one point!", continued Baeky, "You can imagine I'm sure, how my heart sank. I was gutted! Then I realised that I had inadvertently minimized the MS Paint application into the toolbar. All I had to do to recover the lost data was select the application and maximise it. Voila the image data was recovered and displayed in the application exactly how I had pasted it. Without wasting another moment I quickly saved it before further mishap could occur. I chose the 'My Pictures' folder to store the image data onto on my hard disk drive."

Roswell Incident

This is the second time UFO's have been seen in the skies around Caithness after a recent sighting of a UFO near Lypster which was actually witnessed beaming up Aunty Wendy in a mysterious kidnapping event. This extraordinary event had been captured on Matt's camera phone. Around fourty seven years ago UFO's were also seen in Roswell, New Mexico. Mysteriously we couldn't find anyone willing to talk about the Roswell incident with us.

Ade sacked

Ade has been sacked from ie ulpster churnal in the most dramatic shake up of the staff seen since the days when Roy Anarchy was in charge.

"It had gotten too much", explained Tony, the leader of ie churnal, "we turned a blind eye to all the fart related stuff ... it went on fart oolong! Hehehe I just thought of that! But I mean fart jokes are not sophisticated enough for readers nowadays are they? And then there was the boob stories, the allegations, the lawsuits that followed. We even think we lost our reader in the fallout of that." Tony looked thoughtful for a moment and then seeming to forget we were here started absentmindedly picking his nose.

Blod was also available to make a statement telling us in a hushed voice, "They are coming. They are coming..." and then staring catatonically at a wall.

Former Prime Minister Tony Blair declined to speak to us although one of his representatives mentioned that Mr. Blair was saddened about this turn of events and actually thought Ade was a 'cool guy'.

Linden's ethical and moral tests

Hi readers, I managed to pull a few strings and here I am with me own column too, just like Wendy.

In a series of social experiments I intend to challenge the very minds of our readers with ethical and moral tests of judgement using fiendishly devised dilemmas which could unravel the very fabric of our society!

By extrapolating the results and data gathered from a cross section of churnal readers, thus we shall expect to see just where the boundaries lie n' that.

As this first dilemma is quite gender specific, I've done two; one for each gender. Both of these have been cleverly devised to be completely equivalent in terms of attractiveness and appeal. In other words there is no difference between the female choice and the male choice. These have been based on my painstaking estimation and in consultation with Peter for the lads version.

This weeks dilemma is,

Shoot, Shag or Marry ?

Rules - You cannot use each person more than once. Who would you shoot? Who would you shag? and who would you marry? Eeee its a tough choice for the girls, I'm not sure which I'd gan for. But are YOU brave enough to make the call?






Now its the lads turn. Who would you shoot, shag and marry out of these?






IMPORTANT NOTE: For every hit that this page gets without an associated completed response or a page comment Linden will kill a puppy.

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