Matt vs The World

Ah've noticed that ah lot of mah Churnal colleagues huv delusions of world domination and ah huv just one question...

When is it mah turn? When do ah get to rule the world? Well, that time is NOW and ah'm not gonna fanny aboot with cryogenics or any o' that pap!

Ah'm gonna do it the reet propa way, with 15 minute keyboard solos and endless guitar widdling fused with the music of the people, Hip-Hop. Ah call it Prog-Hop and it's gonna rock you sideways. We even have a new exciting dance, "The Prog-Hop Frog Hop".

Ade was the first to sign up for me band, I mean who can forget his Hip-Hop classics from the early ninetys? The now legendary "Nursery Raps" including the politically charged "Bah, Bah, Black Cloud of Injustice Above a Sheep" and of course the block-busting "Gus' Cookery Rap" are just a small part of a CV which make MnM look like a Smartie.

Uncle Jimmy was quick to follow suit proclaiming that he could widdle with best of them given enough beer. And that is not all! I can exclusively reveal that ah'm at an advanced stage in talks with Tony about bringing in his legendary "Giant Chicken Eating Frog" as official band choreographer.

With me band in place ah gave mah heros, Stock, Aitken and Waterman first dibs on the band but they got scared and said they couldn't fit my extended keyboard solos into their trademark 3 minute pop masterpieces, so they're not mah heros any more. Tits!

But nehva fear, we don't need to be part of the machine. If the Arctic Monkeys can get so huge with their unoriginal brand of re-hashed pop-punk wazz using only MySpace, then I, "MC Monkey Mackam and his Progressive Magpies" can RULE THE WORLD!

WATCH THIS SPACE!