Nasty incident in Glasgow

Glaswegian man, Aaron C Nesbitt 'the binkey' was in for a painful shock recently when he inadvertantly hurt his foot whilst walking through his own home in Paisley near Ibrox. It is speculated that he may have consumed 'shandy' earlier that evening. Shandy is a potentially intoxicating cocktail of beer and lemonade. These reports of shandy consumption are as yet unconfirmed but it is thought that he could have had as much as two half pints of the liquor.

We managed to track down this colourful local character, Aaron, and ask him what actually happened. Here exclusivley for ie churnal we have Aaron's account of the incident...

Wierd lump

"I just went through to put the light out for morna and switch the radio off and tripped over a washing up bowl that we put our clothes from the washing machine in....", As Aaron spoke little bits of spittle sprayed from his mouth onto our reporter's face however our reporter tactfully didn't wipe it off and continued listening intently as if nothing had happened.

Aaron then resumed, "now I have a weird lump on the top of my foot! It's not unlike that ganglian that Ade had but a bit bigger maybe".

Our reporter then enquired wether it was big and throbbing and Aaron replied, "I think it's just one of those lumps you get when you whack a tendon in the right place.... It's not really sore unless i poke it and I can walk and bend all my toes. My toes feel a bit cold but it may just be because I took my sock off?"

Drank shandy that evening

When our reporter asked Aaron if he had drunk any shandy that evening, Aaron became quite annoyed saying, "your as bad as a SUN journalist. Exploiting misery and suffering", he then grabbed our reporter with his bony fingers and turfed him out out of the flat and into the dark dangerous streets of Ibrox.

We later spoke to Mel about these types of accidents and she informed us, "Theres a possibility that in addition to the injuries to his foot he may have also bitten his tounge but worst of all he may have bruised his ego as happened to me recently."

Ow it actually does look sore!!!

'The Binkey'

Hey big yins I haven abandoned ye. Here a am... only using a different name, from noo oan I wish to be known as 'the binkey' which is a glaswegian pronounciation of bigyin. By the way man, I'm glad someone else has admitted to putting aftershave on their nads, I thought I was the only wan.

Anywayz I just wanted to share this wi yeez, a've discovered that ear wax disnae taste that bad once you've become accustomed tae it. Just thought I'd mention it, its pure nice. Give it a go I promise ye ye'll like it.

Oh oh before I forget, I've thought of new names for my undies... 'budgie smuggler' and 'bannana hammock'.

We'll I'll see you later big yins,

Aaron, a.k.a. 'The Binkey'

Aaron's underpants column

Hi readers, after the startling success of my first column 'Aarons world' in which I explained the joys of closets and how much fun they are to come out of. I've decided to up the stakes yet further with what may be the naughtiest article of the churnal yet if you know what I mean? (wink)

Before I go rummaging around in my underwear drawer to see what I can find, its traditional that I quote a song lyric which sums up my column. This week I'm going for an old classic by Def Leppard - "Pour some sugar on me, ooooo in the name of love, Pour some sugar on me. I'm hot sticky sweet from my head hey head to my feet yeah" Actually its not really got much to do with my article (fnarr fnarr) but it has got everything to do with being an ace song. Though Bon Jovi are still the best. Not only that but I've probably now put the song in your head, which was my intention.

But as usual I'm digressing from the main point here which is underwear this week. Now when you think of y-fronts you probably think of pishy stains and skid marks and all that, but before you all laugh let me just say, Y-fronts are coming back in.

...

I can tell by the silence that you are shocked but it is true. In fact I've given them a credible 6 on my Aaron-in-ometer this week. They do have to have some form of amusing print on them though other wise they are like no way dude and crash down around your ankles, figuratively speaking.

Ooops darn it, I've only gone and run out of time and I was going to tell you all about some lovely little briefs I saw lately, full of class in which there was an elephants face and you put your 'hoo hoo' in the trunk (tee hee), I have to get a pair of those. See you next year and I'll tell you more about whats 'in' and whats 'out' with my fabulous patented Aaron-in-ometer.



Merry Christmas

Aaron's World

To start my very first column I want to quote from the King, 'a little less conversation a little more action please'. I think that sums up what my column is about quite well, ie action packed adventure with new and exciting goss but none of that ridiculous and factually inaccurate nonsense you read so much of on the internet. Yes I am going to tell all you fashion heads about Linux this week and believe me, many people don't even know what Linux is so let me explain.

Out of the closet

Imagine you have a supermodel on the cat-walk like say Cindy Crawford. Now picture Kate Moss too. It doesn't matter what clothes they are modelling, what is important is that you view Cindy Crawford as an old style operating system like Windows Vista and Kate Moss, who is going out with Pete Doherty, is Linux. I have to come out of the closet just now and admit that I am just crazy about Linux. It is still underground but will soon be 'in' big time. So lets take Cindy and Kate and see what lies under their clothes so to speak as we examine the engine that drives their respective operating systems.

Kate Moss and Pete Doherty

Imagine Kate wants to tell you all about her vital statistics such as bra size, how many toes she has etc. In computer terminology we would refer to this as her 'objects'. Well that principle is the same with Linux. Now imagine that every time you ask Cindy her cup size and other vital statistics she hits you with her handbag but still lets you surf the net and cool stuff like that, well darlings, that is Windows. And that is the difference in a nutshell, not just in operating systems but also in all walks of life. But lets face it there are times when you are interested in a womans cup size which Linux offers.

Brad still wants Jen, latest goss

But how does this relate to Brangelina? Well it doesn't really, but you could imagine Brangelina as the look and feel of the operating system. Incidently maybe I should stop just now for those who don't know about computers and elaborate so that you'll understand this next example, Brangelina equals Bradd Pitt + Angelina Jolie. Quite simple really. So imagine that Brad had stayed with Jenifer, that would be a bit like the standard windows task bar, on the bottom of the screen with a start button on the left. But what if you put the task bar on the top of the screen instead, it would be totally different, and instead of a start button you had an applications menu. Well it would be as different as Bragelina is from Brad and Jen if you see what I mean.

Well I certainly hope this has helped a few Linux wannabes pluck up the courage to jump on right in and try it and a few maybe a few Linux gurus will come out of the closet with me.

Aaron

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