Mad Matt’s Music

…whatty? What do you want? Music? Oh I see!

Hello! Time for more from me, Mad Matt, and my magical music collection!

Today I’m reviewing one hell of an album, Tubular Bells by Mike Oldfield.

The whole thing is virtually all instrumental, though there are some interesting lyrics towards the end (which I’ll get to in good time)

The opening section is note for note a copy of the theme from The Exorcist. Oldfield might have thought he’d get away with it, but I saw straight through it. As the first side of the album progresses there are more speed changes than a trip on the Metro. Fast, slow, fast, slow, what’s going on? If you’re one of those people who likes to walk in time with the music, choose another album, or risk going from snails pace to sprint 6 times a minute.

The end of the first half is some bloke shouting out instruments, and poor mike had to go get the instrument and play that part of the tune on it. Piano to “Reed and Pipe Organ” isn’t so bad but when he shouts out “Mandolin” followed by Tubular Bells Mike was probably exhausted.

The second half of the album has nearly as many speed changes, though it is mainly slower, so it’s very relaxing…until you get to the caveman bit.

Caveman sounds like a man who’s tried to smoke a pipe with the hot end in his gob. It’s a series of grunts, snorts, shouts and screams, all set to quite a heavy guitar driven tune. These grunts are not meaningless however, as Professor David Mackay explains

There seems to be a hidden message in fragmented Gaelic. From what I’ve heard it seems to translate roughly as “Jimmy Miller is the overlord. Worship Him, for He shall rule the world for the rest of time!,” whatever that may mean.

The album closes with The Sailors Hornpipe, perhaps because Mike was driven mad in the process of creating such a complex and strange album. Maybe he was mad all along? We’ll never know.

The album cover is a twisted tubular bell, perhaps the one used to strangle the strange man who shouted out the strange combination of musical instruments, perhaps not. On the sleeve of the record there is a message:

This stereo record cannot be played on old tin boxes no matter what they are fitted with. If you are in possession of such equipment please hand it into the nearest police station.

I’d do as it says, if you don’t he comes to your house and smacks you round the head with your own record player

Tubular Bells is available in any fathers, uncles, or middle aged man’s record collection (oh and mine of course)