Aaron resigns

Ulpster churnalist Aaron has handed in his resignation from ie churnal. In a carefully prepared statement which was read by Matt, Aaron said, "I'll be sorry to leave ie churnal but I'm looking forward to moving on to other hopefully bigger things. For example I have an idea to start a new blog of my own about draft excluders and such stuff as that. In any case that cheating puff (Tony) should never have beat me in the ulpster open fart tennis competition earlier this year."

It is not known who will replace Aaron at this stage if anyone. The churnal is still reeling after the sackings of Baeky, Maria, and Ade aswell.

Naked truth revealed

The Ulpster Churnal is proud to reveal this early image of our very own Aaron from his pre-spidey days. Before Aaron found fame as a wall crawling crime fighter he was just another wannabe like countless others. On his path towards fame he appeared in the hit reality TV show 'Big Brother' in the Eastern European country of Lithuania. In a desperate bid for stardom he exposed his rather pert looking man boobs. Little did he know at that time that this picture would one day come back to haunt him.

Enjoy!

Fears over spidey

After seeing this image posted around the internet, concern is mounting over the whereabouts of Aaron ... Stay posted

Secret Identity of Spiderman revealed

Ie Ulpster Churnal has at last unmasked that mysterious wall-crawling creature 'the amazing spiderman'. Matt the Hat, our new churnal photographer, has pulled out all the stops and captured some of the most intimate moments in Spidey's life recently. As seen here exclusively for ie churnal we can reveal that Spiderman is none other than Aaron!



Unlike Aaron's fictional counterpart, comic book hero Peter Parker, who was bitten by a radioactive spider - our real life Spidey, aka Aaron aka 'the binkey' is thought to have acquired his extraordinary powers as an awkward young teen, when he started eating everyday household spiders. Spidey is also rumoured to have the power to transform himself into a loggerhead turtle.

We interviewed Aaron earlier this morning and he told us that 'with great power comes great geekiness', a valuable lesson he learned from his Great Uncle Peter. Enigmatically Aaron paused for a moment and then said in a quiet voice almost to himself, "there is no spoon"

Next week we will turn our investigations into just who is the incredible hulk ? ...

New species of turtle spotted

Scientists are baffled by a rare sea turtle which has been spotted swimming in the atlantic ocean off the coast of Scotland. It is unusual to see these marine reptiles in UK waters which normally prefer to frequent warmer tropical seas. However this one seems to have taken up residence here and locals have even given it the affectionate nickname of 'Nessie the second'. It seems to spend a lot of its time in the waters just offshore of Glasgow.

Naturalist Mel Sprite is of the opinion this may even be a new species of turtle. "It would be easy to identify this as a loggerhead turtle which it resembles in size and colour. However if you look closely at its facial features you can see slight differences between this specimen and other loggerheads yer knaa. It exhibits an unusual range of almost human like behaviours including winking, raising its eyebrows and smiling. This behaviour has never been documented in any species of turtle before, to my knowledge."

Eminent scientist Natty Inkspoon agreed, adding ' to me it looks quite familiar, like that funny flying creature Watto, on the phantom menace, except with fins not wings of course.' he said earlier. 'At first I thought this may be a fake image, doctored using photoshop software, but an extensive analysis of the image has proved it is definitely genuine"