Wendy's Fantastic Nature Facts

Eeeeee, ah can't believe that ah finally have me own column. Before ah get started ah'd like to thank Aden for showing me how to switch on this new fangled computer thing and how to use it's word processor doo-dah.

Anyway, back to me column. My first fact for you all is regarding the common or garden Mango. Up here in tropical Lypster you can hardly take two steps without coming across a tree fruiting with Mangos so unsurprisingly our diet consists primarily of them and the wonderful neep. A wee tip for you, neeps and mango mashed together make a fine cheap clapshot substitute if, like us, you find tatties hard to come by.

Eeeeee, am so excited ah forgot to tell you the most amazing thing... Ah was looking at a mango stone the other day and it seemed very familiar. Then in a blinding flash of back spasm ah realized what it was! It was a blooming cuttlefish bone like yon budgies gnaw on. Who would have thought that the mango was not a fruit at all but a flippin mollusc and close relative of the cuttlefish.

Ah can't wait to see our Mels face when she finds out ah've discovered a bigger animal than her, what do you all think ah should call it? Ah think a Wendyfish has quite a nice ring to it personally.

Hitchcock Horror at Lypster Farm

In scenes reminiscent of the Hitchcock film 'The Birds', tin whistle and jaw harp teacher Aimee Feel was savagely attacked on a farm just south of Lypster.

Wendy McCoy (73), had brought daughter Aimee to have a ride on her horse 'Joffer'. Moments after entering the stables to fetch the horse she heard a blood curdling scream followed by some frantic girlie shrieks from the paddock. She dashed outside to see what the fuss was... Aimee had locked herself in her car which was surrounded by dozens of agitated chickens and menacing turkeys. Wendy looked on with mild amazement as she saw the biggest, ugliest turkey scramble onto the bonnet of the car and start pecking the windscreen, seemingly aiming for her daughters eyes!

After gently shooing the birds away Wendy tried to calm Aimee down and persuade her to come out and see Joffer but in the end had to take her home for a cup of cocoa and a nap.

Wendy commented, "I've never seen them act like that before... either they were smelling her fear or she's done one of her her trademark corn farts."

Aimee was unavailable for comment.