Aunty Mel kidnapped

Shocking events unfolded in Ulpster yesterday evening as Aunty Mel was kidnapped by what is reputed to be a 20 foot tall tardigrade. According to eyewitnesses the whole ground shook with the footsteps of the giant beast as it stomped across the fields in the direction of ie Cairn o' Get carrying Aunty Mel in its clutches. Lobsterman Davie managed to take this photo of the approaching creature minutes before it disappeared over the horizon taking Aunty Mel with it.

Aunty Mel played god with nature

Opinion is divided on this incident, with some experts believing that Mel has continued her experiments on these creatures in secret and discovered the gene that normally surpresses their growth. If this is true then she probably played god and tampered with the gene in an experiment now gone horribly wrong. Others believe the neepie docker David from Lypster may have created a growth hormone in his shed and infected this tardigrade with it. Some nutty conspiracy theorists even speculate that Mel has created this tardigrade deliberately with the intention of using it to demolish a local windfarm which has been constructed on the hill fort.

Conspiracy, three aunties disappear in one week

After the disappearance of 3 aunties within the space of a week; First Val being swallowed whole by a sea cucumber, then Wendy sucked into the sky by aliens and now this tardigrade kidnapping - many people are beginning to wonder if these events can be regarded as coincidence or is something more sinister going on? The only surviving aunty, Aunty Linden is said to be concerned about the situation.