Dear Aunty Aimee

Gosh I'm humbled to be here, all those votes have overwhelmed me. I like to think that life is like an octave with a little black note representing each problem and a nice elegant treble clef representing me, with maybe some semi-quavers sprinkled around depicting the chaos of modern society. So let me now sing and dance around your sad little problems with my beautiful melodies.

To help letters,

can you help my dad. when my dad turned 56 I would say oh look at that wrinkles he is overflowing with them I now he should get wrinkle cream but he'd need loads of the cream. He's like a wrinkly apple and he noes it.
--
Jonathan Fell

Yeeeesssss yeeesssss. MOISTURISE MOISTURISE MOISTURISE! that's what advertisingcampaigns would say. They would charge you £5.99 for a wrinkle cream that DOESN'T EVEN WORK!
My advice is to sit in the sun as much as possible...possibly even move to a hot counrty (with accssessable cheap flights for family). Whenever I sit in the sun I got all hot, sweaty, pink and naturally moisturised....always look great. Get him to move somewhere where he will look eternally young!

Dear so called 'Agony Aunt' Aimee

Congratulations on winning the vote you little shite. It shoud a been me. I voted for meself and give those twats a C90 of classic folk melodies. Ya baast

love Uncle Jim

Thank you so much for your 'bitter' sweet congratulations. Yes, you did vote for yourself, but if you had a bit of savvy you would have invested in an ebay style sniper...not that I did owt like that:) Also I heard your C90 and no offence, but it's shite, you sound like a girl.. and I am the music maestro!

Regards Aunty Aimee xxx
P.S Ha ha ha ha!

Dear Baeky,

Why does it always rain on me? Is it because I lied when I was seventeen?

Yours Sincerely

Travis

Firstly, It's AIMEE! AUNTY AIMEE! GET IT?!
and yes, I believe in Karma and Religion and Catholics and other spiritual things like that, so yes, it is because you lied when you were seventeen; and according to the catholic church you will have to explain yourself, naked! at Gods pearly gates....get thinking of excusses!

All the best Aunty Aimee xxx

Jello there,

My name is (oops, better keep this anonymous)
Better go, then.

Bye

This last email prompted me to make a small announcement regarding your mail to me. Anything you say to me will be in the strictest confidence.. Just tell me who you are and I promise I won't tell anyone else.. Honest...............it is better [and this is aimed at all readers] if you tell me who you are and include as many grusome details as possible. Not coz I'm nosey...just because it helps me help you
Help me to help you

Aunty Aimee XXX

Dear Aunty Aimee,

Heathcliffe won't let me into his window. What shall I do? Its rather cold in here.

Yours faithfully,

Katherine

Katherine, You've learned a hard lesson.... MEN ARE PIGS! All of them! Except for the ones I like. I suggest you buy a warm puffa jacket and get used to it. Warmest wishes, Aunty Aimee xxx

Dear Tia Maria

I’m addicted to cable TV. I have been watching reruns of the crystal maze, friends and top gear for the past 3 weeks. I am only able to write this because the adverts are on. You’ve gotta help me! If I hear the theme tune to The Crystal Maze once more I will actually implode. I can’t tear myself away from it though. It calls to me!

Yours, in a state of square-eyedness

Matthew

This is a common problem with Geeks of your age group. Friends is cool...really cool, funny intelligent people watch that and Desperate Housewives and Sex and the City and Ugly Betty. But Top Gear and Crystal Maze? I have a quick fix for that one.Put on an eye mask, lie on the ground in a comfortable position and Imagine Richard O'Brien and Jeremy Clarkson dancing naked. That should put you off those crappy geeky shows.... Ironically the same therapy to put you off Crystal Maze and Top Gear increases addiction the the aformentioned cool programmes...funny that. Anyhoo See ya geeky pants

Dear Aunty Aimee,

I have written into numerous publications including the Sun and the Star asking for advice. Until now no-one has been able to answer the question I have. This whole thing has been causing me tremendous anxiety. Can you please tell me the bloody answer? Why can't people stop giving me the runaround? Aaaaargh!!!

Yours hopefully,

Essie Kay

Dear Essie,

Hmmm, that's a hard one, and very difficult to give you a clear answer on.. Here's a quote from William Ruskin regarding Wagner's music.... Of all the affected, sapless, soulless, beginningness, endless, topless, bottomless, topsiturviest, scrannel-pipiest, tongs and boniest doggerel of sounds I ever endured the deadliest of, that eternity of nothing was the deadliest -- as far as the sound went. Hope this makes you less anxious.

Aunty Aimee xxx

Dear Aimee,

Did Tony and Ade enjoy their bottles of malt? And Aaron his meths filtered through a loaf of bread. Did Matty get enough cash?

Yours Jade

Sorry I don't know what you mean?

Aunty Aimeekins xxx