Ade's Philosophy Column

I was smoking some sage the other day and whilst making my way back to reality through the ether I had an epiphany... Did you know that I am a mind floating about in a void?

Everyone, and I mean, everyone and every single thing in the Universe, is in my mind! One of my peers, I think it was Snoopy, once said a very profound thing. Actually for the sake of accuracy I suppose it was me thinking that he thought it so really I can take full credit, anyway he said, “I think therefore I am”.

You see, I know myself that I can think, ergo I exist. I don't know that anyone else can think therefore the likelihood is that you are just figments of my immense imagination, which incidentally is floating around in a void.

I can sense you all taking umbridge to the previous statement but this is not a mere theory, it is a water tight theorem. I have asked numerous people to prove that they exist. The standard answers are, “Yes, I exist. I'm here aren't I?” or “I can also think and therefore I am too”, but think about it, or rather I will imagine you thinking about it... None of this proves to me that you can think and since I am the only one that I know definitely can think, then I am the only one who definitely exists so you must all be part of my mind.

Some smart-arses have even tried to get me to prove that I can think. Now, I know that I can think and if I could not think then I would not be able to think that I could. You follow?

Anyway, I am a mind floating about in a void and you are nothing but figments of my imagination. You know, I feel very lonely all of a sudden :(

Ade x