SITUATIONS VACANT

Agony Aunt
This post is for a 6 month contract to cover maternity leave, please use discretion, we haven't told Maria yet. Applicants should be able to read and write preferably simultaneously (any language acceptable). Flexible hours. Pay nada, non negotiable. Apply to the Ulpster Churnal email address marked for the attention of the Personnel Manager and quoting reference UC1


Sports Editor
Due to Sunderlands promotion to the Premier league we have sacked our anti-Sunderland correspondant Naomi, we are now seeking a pro Sunderland commentator. Applicants for this post should have excellent playing experience in 'Aussie Rules Tennis'. As usual a knowledge of football manager (Kevin Thoms version) will be regarded favourably. Apply to the Ulpster Churnal email address marked for the attention of the Personnel Manager and quoting reference UC2


Photographer
The churnal requires someone with a flair for photography to consistently produce the goods with top drawer snaps of newsworthy events. Such as discovering the secret identities of superheros. Whether employed on a permanent contract or on a freelance basis you can expect to be paid in the region of zilch. Apply to the Ulpster Churnal email address marked for the attention of the Personnel Manager and quoting reference UC3


Personnel Manager
As we do not currently have a personnel manager to deal with the flood of expected applications, we are looking to also employ a personnel manager. Apply to the Ulpster Churnal email address marked for the attention of the Personnel Manager and quoting reference UC4. Try not to favour your own application unfairly or get caught in any never ending loops, sending and receiving your own application.