Ade's Philosophy Column

The Trouble with Philosophy

Don't get me wrong, I think philosophy is great but it just isn't an 'ology'. Ologies like socialology (well that's a poor example), or psychology just leave philosophy for dead. One of the inherent problems is that philosophical assertions can be more difficult to prove as they are often subjective, whereas for most of the ologies the various considerations can be proven, of course my example of psychology is a poor example of this. It's a bit like comparing a subject like art with mathematics for instance.

Now this can be viewed as either a good thing or a bad thing, it often depends on which side of the fence you are on or indeed which side of the bed you got out of that morning. For all you budding philosophiser's out there my advice is to treat each case on it's merits and I don't mean a dog. Anyone not understanding the joke here should really think of taking up a less demanding profession, doctor or solicitor, something like that.

Hope you're not all intimidated by the size of my intellect.

Ade x

Ade's Philosophy Column

I was smoking some sage the other day and whilst making my way back to reality through the ether I had an epiphany... Did you know that I am a mind floating about in a void?

Everyone, and I mean, everyone and every single thing in the Universe, is in my mind! One of my peers, I think it was Snoopy, once said a very profound thing. Actually for the sake of accuracy I suppose it was me thinking that he thought it so really I can take full credit, anyway he said, “I think therefore I am”.

You see, I know myself that I can think, ergo I exist. I don't know that anyone else can think therefore the likelihood is that you are just figments of my immense imagination, which incidentally is floating around in a void.

I can sense you all taking umbridge to the previous statement but this is not a mere theory, it is a water tight theorem. I have asked numerous people to prove that they exist. The standard answers are, “Yes, I exist. I'm here aren't I?” or “I can also think and therefore I am too”, but think about it, or rather I will imagine you thinking about it... None of this proves to me that you can think and since I am the only one that I know definitely can think, then I am the only one who definitely exists so you must all be part of my mind.

Some smart-arses have even tried to get me to prove that I can think. Now, I know that I can think and if I could not think then I would not be able to think that I could. You follow?

Anyway, I am a mind floating about in a void and you are nothing but figments of my imagination. You know, I feel very lonely all of a sudden :(

Ade x

Ade's Philosophy Column

Cartesian Dualism

Whilst I totally reject Cartesian dualism, and free will, I also find that determinism, a close neighbour admitally of free will if you like, leaves me with the feeling there is something missing from my philosophical beliefs.

How can determinism, or being able to 'determine' what path you take as desired, not be free will? The answer, only if your so called choice is pre-determined.

The logic of pre-determined Determinism can not be argued against successfully as any view given for instance that "you changed your mind" can be countered with, "your change of mind was pre-determined!"

Philosophically this is a dead-end, and I'm getting a headache.

Ade x

Ade's Philosophy Column

René Descarte should be credited with the resulting path of philosophy towards the modern radical doubt ridden philosophies held my many today. Startling words you may say, but hear me out, his "I think, therefore I am" was a precursor to modern Universities, "I drink, therefore I am", pragmatism's lurch to, "I'm pink, therefore I am", and the onward rush towards "I think I am, therefore I am, I think". Though trite in the extreme, these and similar phrases have come to dominate the structured philosophy of a certain culture, and also by myself as a late convert to his metaphysical style.

Descarte was the first philosopher to point out that distant objects appeared smaller than they really were. Until this point convention thought was that distant objects actually were smaller.

Descarte was at first a mathematician, like me. Secondly he had an intense interest in physics, like me, and thirdly, like me, he published many of his theories in Latin. It appears we have more in common than a huge intellect, many would go as far to say that he was one of the two most important men in the history of philosophy, modesty forbids me to mention the other .... ahem!

Ade x

Ades Philosophy Column

In this article I would like to try and reach some of those readers who usually just skip over the Philosophy Col.

First, put the thought that I am a world renowned Philosopher to the back of your mind. Try and imagine I am just an ordinary person like you. This is a technique devised by yours truly to ensure readers are not overwhelmed by the sheer magnitued of my thought processes.

To put it another way, here I am, brain the size of a planet and expected to communicate with mere mortals, it's not an easy task, a bit like trying to teach an ant the times tables (and that's ant, not aunt).

Anyway, a conundrum that has interested Philosophers for years is the old optimist/pessimist view of a glass containing 50% liquid. The question, is the glass half empty or half full, some would say that both views are right but I can assure you that the problem is in fact the size of the glass. A smaller glass would give the much more simple, empty or full answer to the question and in this case only one of the answers would be right.

Now the doubters may say that the conundrum remains as you could drink half of the liquid in the smaller sized glass and be left with exactly the same descriptions. This is a pragmatist view which is totally alien to this philosopher and in any case my answer would once again be that the problem is still with the size of the glass.

So I hope this has given you something to ponder upon, and would welcome any correspondence from you lesser people so that I can keep you straight. Send your emails to ulpsterchurnal@googlemail.com marked for the attention of Ade

Ade x

Ades Philosophy Column

Immanual Kant has been described by many to be one of the most important philosophers .. ever! However, he was described by such notable luminaries as the Pythons as "A real piss-ant, who was very rarely stable"

There has been a raging debate among the philosopher fraternity as to the accuracy of the Pythons assessment. Eminent philosopher Dr. A. Nuss went as far as to suggest that it was entirely inappropriate for the Pythons to make this correlation, especially, as he pointed out that they had also inferred that, Plato drank half a crate of whisky every day.

My own views were summed up very nicely by Vicky Pollard who said, "Yeah, but, no but, yeah, no, anyway nobody believes anything they say cos they're all sluts who drink and take drugs and anyway they only say it cos they think its cool and everything!"

Ade x

Ade's Philosophy Column

Isn't it amazing how a persons path through life can vary by seemingly unrelated incidents?

Take the case of my cousin, who for reasons of anonymity I shall refer to only as subjectA. Subject A. has recently become interested in cricket. It began when he rescued a frog from almost certain death and research into their eating habits revealed that they were a cricket loving species.

Aaron, err I mean Subject A. continued his research into cricket and found hidden nuances to the game and has become a very creditable spin bowler!


A further case to illustrate this point is that of Subject B. He made a somewhat innocuous remark along the lines of, "I wonder what it's like on the other side of the world?" and ended up having his home sold and was packed off to New Zealand by his wife who did not understand that this was a rhetorical question.

I like the way human beings can overcome what at first seem to be insurmaountable problems. for instance, my wife Maria, who speaks a little Spanish, my sister who speaks a little french, and myself who also speaks a little Spanish, are all able to communicate perfectly well using English . . . Who would have thought that?

I love being a philosopher, once upon a time I couldn't even spell it, but now I are one.