A Star is Born

This years Nativity play at the Booer School saw the emergence of a new acting sensation.

Jonathan's portrayal of 'Grandad' had the audience spellbound. In a vain attempt at modesty, Jonathan said, "Of course, as I was taking part in the play, I was unable to watch it, and so could not possibly comment on how great I was."

His mother was more enthusiastic saying, "Although I am totally unbiased, I can honestly say I have never seen Grandad portrayed so accurately, the only thing missing was a complaint about lumpy soup."

Sir John Gielgud himself would have said something along the lines of, "Better than myself at a similar age," probably.

Jonathan's Jottings

My pal George and I have been discussing the, up until now, taboo subject of 'stuck farts'. I had always thought this phenomenon peculiar to me until George confessed he too occasionally suffered from this. This opened up a whole new can of worms, for instance, is 'stuck fart' the correct terminology, do other people know it under a different name? When I thought it applied to myself alone it mattered not what it was called and perhaps I have inadvertently renamed it.

For the uninitiated, a 'stuck fart' feels like a bubble just at the exit point that just doesn't burst, at least not with a satisfactory tonal quality, and often disappears with no satisfaction derived.

My brother Aaron says that trying to force the issue can be counter productive and lead to the disastrous condition known as a 'lumpy fart'. His recommendation is, as unsatisfying as it is, to let the stuck fart go gracefully. Is this true? or is he just scare mongering?. It seems such a pity to waste a fart, but if the consequences are so draconian? Surely some of the aussie rules aficionado's could elucidate. Please let me know your thoughts on this at the usual address.

Jonathan's Jottings

The world is stuck with thieves and it's all because of Adam and eve because eve said to Adam eat one apple so he did it and god saw him and god made an odor now that 's why there are thieves in the city's of new York and Glasgow but it's life and some people go and macke krime's the world is not safe!.

Jonathan's Jottings

The English language is a funny thing, the same word seems to mean different things in different contexts. For instance, I've been called a wee boy and I've been called a big boy, by the same person, are we to infer from this that the two words are interchangeable. The evidence would suggest this but it gets worse. In addition to being called a wee boy, I've been asked if I want a wee. Now I know what a wee is so why am I being called a wee, it's all very confusing.

Some words just don't seem to add up, I have heard people describe the same amount of money as "a lot" or, conversely "a little". And this doesn't only apply to money, a person who has had a lot to drink has been described as "having too much" or "having a little too much" The list of anomalies View Blog goes on and on, why can't people just stick to words which are not open to misinterpretation such as, a mickle, a muckle or a puckle? At least then we know where we stand.

Jonathan's Jottings

My Brush with Danger!

I would like to share with you all a shopping experience of mine. About two weeks ago I and my dad went shopping in the city centre of Wick, happy to avoid the Christmas shopping crowds in Ulpster.

The very first shop we visited had a pram outside with what at first sight appeared to be a baby in it. Our suspicions were aroused when we realised the pram was completely unattended, however, we decided, discretion being the better part of valour, to beat a hasty retreat. We thought no more about this until on exiting the second shop we were astounded to note that the pram had followed us and was waiting outside, again unattended. This was so disconcerting that we both immediately took a couple of steps backward back into the shop. After some discussion we decided we would try and make a break for it once there was some cover of a few people leaving the shop. After what seemed like an eternity an opportunity arose but on leaving the shop again, we found the pram had hidden. With our hearts in our mouths we slowly made our way to the cafe, running from one bit of cover to another with me scouting ahead.

After safely negotiating the dangerous terrain to the cafe, we had a cup of tea and a Tunnochs Caramel Wafer (Mmmmmm) all the time giving nervous looks towards the door. It's at times like this that you wish you were in the company of Uncle Nick, or even Uncle Jimmy who would at least bite and scratch in a fight, instead of your wimpy dad

It was time to go, we made a mad hectic dash to the safety of the car, and breathed deeply before congratulating each other. I believe if we had dallied at all that pram would have found us again

Who says nothing exciting ever happens in Caithness?

Uncle Jonathan's Jottings

A tip fore yew all.
If eye had a sun eye wood want two share this tip with him, so eye have decided to share it with everyone.

Eye have found that yew don't actually knead to learn how two spell. All yew knead is a computer with a spell chequer. It will automatically show yew any errors, and can correct them. Do knot ask me wear yew can get a computer, eye have tolled yew enough too get bye with, the rest is up two yew.

Uncle Jonathan's Jottings

Well, if my wee nephew cand do it, I spose I'd better show willing, and I'm not talking about pooing in the toilet. Incidentally, I noticed there was no mention of Ade in that article, well there was actually but I paid no attention to it, anyway he stopped pooing in his nappy several months ago, what gives?

Anyway, I thought I'd share with you all a points system I have devised in order to obtain a Playstation for my birthday. I surmised that with an allocation of a point for being good, twelve points should be easily attainable BUT, that mean spirited duo, my mum and dad, keep taking points off me for nothing! I mean, I have to do everything around here, dress myself, brush my teeth, watch tv, go to bed etc AND, end up with negative equity for my trouble, it's appalling. I'm off to complain to my MP, (did I mention I that I sat next to Jamie Stone at school?