Ade's 5 Point Valentines Lurve Plan

Hi guys. Bit late with this entry but I've just finished practising what I'm about to preach so I can guarantee 100% that it will work.

1) Send your wife or significant other off on a romantic trip half way round the world. I packed the lovely Maria off to Spain for a couple of weeks.

2) As modern women really dig computerized communication, shower her with e-mails, internet chats and Skype calls. I find work a good topic to chat about. Remember to chuck in an occasional, 'I miss you'. That'll melt her heart good and proper.

3) As the special day approaches it is important to think ahead and meticulously plan her special treat. If you don't already have some in the house, my advice is to buy in some lager, cider and aftershave. The lager and cider mixed together make a fantastic valentines day cocktail.

4) Arrange a time for a Skype call on the big day and make sure you both have webcams. My plan went like clockwork, Valentines day morning for Maria was early evening for me in New Zealand. This gave me plenty of time to drink several 'Snake-Bites' in preparation for the final part of my plan.

5) Get nude! Skype the wife and waggle your bits in front of the webcam. This will send her into a frenzy. Now for the icing on the cake... get your aftershave and pour a generous glug on to your balls! Let's face it guys, we all do this, it's just no one admits to it. Anyway it may sting like hell but she'll never doubt your love for her ever again.

Et voila, a perfect valentines day for your special lady. I'm off to my bed now as the computer screen and room seem to be spinning. Sheee yees aal later, hic... burp...

Ade x