Gus' late night fridge raid

Friends, readers and countrymen, Gus the pus the diddle iddle us here once again with a slightly different cookery column this time. I thought that as its just past christmas there might still be a few left overs in your fridges needing using up. Here's how...

Once your wife or partner has gone to sleep in the wee hours of the night, sneek through to your kitchen. Without turning on any lights open the fridge door so that you are standing bathed in the dim light of the fridge interior light. Next crouch down with your head right inside the fridge opening and take a deep inhale. This will get your taste buds in the mood for whats to follow, a gluttonous orgy of leftovers consumption! The deep inhale also serves another purpose to alert you in case anything has gone bad in there, in which case try to hold your breath for the remainder of this phase of the operation.

Now I realise that everyones fridges are different so I will describe one of my late night raids from last Thursday, maybe it'll give you some inspiration for your own fridge raid.

First of all grab some bread, I like 'mighty white' myself but Mel rarely buys me it. Anyway, next look for any containers covered over with saucers or tupperwares and examine the contents by eating handfulls of whatever is inside. In mine last Thursday I found some bits of chicken skin in one tupperware with a few fragments of stuffing too - Jackpot! In the next one there was some fairly dry mashed potatoe - You Beauty! Next you want lots of wholegrain mustard, layer that in thick, then you'll need a couple of slices of every kind of cheese there is in there. Get that in there, doesn't matter how many types you put, the more the better. Last Thursday I had 4 dairy lea triangles, cheddar with apricot, some dry edam that had to be finished off and a sprinkling of parmasan.

To finish off put a bit of buttered bread on top and either eat cold or bung it in the microwave for a couple of seconds. If choosing the latter, you are aiming for it to cooked unevenly with some cold regions in it for the perfect snack. If you want pudding you can always have a jam and sugar sandwich with a digestive bicuit in the middle.