Tony's whacked out tales of the 60's

We have a big tradition of travel stories in ie Churnal lately. But I'm going to embark on a trip further than you could ever imagine this week. Not traveling through the 3 dimensions of spatial eh ... stuff. No, we'll be traveling through the dimension of time. Thats right! I'm going to take you on a fantastic journey through the fabric of time itself. Can you imagine? With me you will revisit the hey day of the Rutles. Never thought it was possible? Well come with me now and lets travel through time to the year 1960-something.

But how can I travel back through nearly half a century of time? Surely its not possible! Should I get a new physics book as the laws of space and time have been re-written? Possibly. Or get in a space-ship and travel through a worm-hole in space? No way, I've told you a million times don't exaggerate.

All you have to do to enter the unreal dimension of the 1960's is continue reading with me Tony, your shall we say, timelord, and, dare I say it, leader of the Ulpster churnal. The time travel should just happen around you as you read my words of wisdom, and your imagination takes you away.

Anyway, lets now step backwards off the cliff of reality. Or as you might say follow the white rabbit, and it will seem like you are actually there on the moon with Neil and Buzz Lightyear and George and Ringo. Pretend you are smoking pot with Bob Dylan or if like me you find pot difficult to obtain, you can smoke bannana skins for the exact same effect. In fact I've just skinned one up myself. Now lets imagine 'rolling' back the years to the golden era of the 60s.

So now our mental preparations are complete and finally we can begin. Watch carefully with me as time slows down, ever slower and stops and begins to rewind. Lets start by pretending computers are regressing from today's whopping 128K, back down to a measly 48K and then to 16K and then only 1K in black and white and then beyond to 8 bytes, then 4 bytes and finally just one byte, then 4 bits, 2 bits and finally 1 bit! Yes, 1 bit computers. And now imagine VHS recorders turning backwards into Betamax videos and shite like that.

As we zoom through the 90's you notice other bits of technology becoming out-dated and crappier, thats how you know you are time traveling. Come with me now as the seconds rewind backwards, now becoming minutes, becoming years, the 80's now whizzing past backwards and my beloved Liverpool dominating Eurpoean soccer. My hair is now regaining its glorious ginger colour of old. At around this point you should imagine a special effect such as lines of light whooshing into the centre of oblivion until we get sucked up into our own existence, now the seventies, getting quicker, disoriented, time sucking me in..... Woooooooooooooosh.

Don't be scared, remember I am here too. And here we are finally we are in the year 1960!!! Take your stinking paws off me you damn dirty ape! This is the actual moment in history when sex and drugs was invented. People used to put LSD on their cereal in the morning. Smell the air, notice how clean it is? In the year 1960 there were only around 200 motorvehicles in existence! Now, look around, yes thats right the 60's is in colour. Unlike popular misconception, the 1960's were in colour most of the time. It was just black and white TV that was black and white.

Phew, after all that time travelling I'm ready to go back to the comfort of the future or is it the present? and my 128K mean machine. Hope you figure out how to get back to the future yourselves, see you later... maybe !

Zzzziiiiizzzzziiiiimmmmmmmmm