Ade's Travel Column

Hi folks. Many years have passed since my various columns and articles in Ie Ulpster Churnal. So much has changed in my life but one constant in the intervening years has been my love of travel.

A prime example was last Monday when I travelled to the supermarket. All by myself, I might add! I was dead chuffed as I only needed to phone my wife Maria once to ask for directions. Well actually it was twice but that was only because I forgot what she said the first time so it doesn't really count. I'll also admit that she had to come and take me home after I had purchased my pot noodle and white loaf but that was only because it's really hard to keep your sense of direction in such a big store and I got a bit scared. The main thing is that I got there and can add a new sticker to my travel map... woo hoo!!

Actually, last week was a great week for travelling. I went to my bed on Wednesday with Maria. I was telling her all about computer programming and stuff. Mysteriously, she fell asleep just as I got to the really interesting bit about 'print statements'. It was funny because I could sort of see her blinking even though her eyes were closed but no matter how much I gently nudged her with my elbow and whispered “are you awake?”, she wouldn't stir. Anyway, I thought I would try to do some meditation which I had learned all about last year on my travels to the living room from this really wise old mystic telly.

I was lying there for ages with my eyes shut when suddenly my body started to vibrate! The next thing I knew I was rising out of my body, tethered only by a sort of umbilical cord of light. As I floated towards the ceiling it dawned on me that I must be astral projecting and that I could conceivably travel anywhere that I wanted. Now as those who know me can testify, I have always wanted to check out my loft so I floated right through my bedroom roof and into what can only be described as a secret room of untold mystery. I must have been up there for hours floating and pottering around before I woke up in my bed with my alarm clock ringing. As you would imagine I sprang out of bed and immediately added a really cool lime green sticker to my travel map.

I've not done much travelling since then, excluding the odd expedition to the toilet and kitchen table, but I can assure you I will embark on more adventures than Willard Price can shake a shitty stick at or I will personally give you your money back. I have a whole pad of stickers and my sticker peeling finger is just itching to add to my map so keep checking back for more of my fantastic travel tales.

Ade x