Earth Shattering Discovery In Ulpster

After flooding of biblical proportion, one of the most important finds in recorded history has taken place at Ulpster. A local man has discovered what appears to be an ancient time-hole revealed by the receding waters.

Seepage worker Gus Sprite stumbled upon the remarkable anomaly whilst he was in his field checking for flood damage to his trees. In an interview with our resident roving science expert Dr Natty Inkspoon he said, “One minute I was checking to see if my trees had got wet and the next I was staring into a hole like no other I had seen before. It was so dark and mysterious, I knew straight away that it must have been supernatural or extraterrestrial or... something”. With a wry smile he continued, “The clincher was when Chaimig (local socialite and television personality) came cycling past. Unable to take his eyes off the hole I was dancing and whooping around, he came crashing off his bike, landing painfully in a crumpled heap. As far as I'm concerned it was the hole's powers that made it happen. Chaimig thinks so too and has sworn not to ride his bike again until the mysterious hole has been destroyed”.

Dr Natty Inkspoon specialises in these sorts of anomalies and was naturally dubious of such an incredible claim. For his Phd he wrote a thesis on time-holes and how they could not possibly exist because at no point are they mentioned in the Star Wars films. He went straight for the jugular and asked "What is it that makes this hole you speak of, a time-hole?".

Again a confidence spread over Gus' face, "I think that the merry jig it made me dance and making Chaimig fall off his bike is proof enough but there was more... It seemed to tinker with the very fabric of time itself!". After an ominous pause he elaborated, "I mean, I've chucked stones in there that have never come back out and when I went home to get my tea I was well late. I must have lost at least five minutes of my life to that dreadful hole, five minutes that I'll never get back". Gus let out an audible sigh and stared into space for a while only to perk up again when he remembered the final piece of evidence, "Oh Yeah, there was all that stuff I mentioned before and the rabbit shit all round the entrance, loads of it. I think the little beggars have been getting sucked into another time or dimension... or something. They must have been literally shitting themselves with fear as it happened".

For poor Natty this proof was the final straw. His belief in all things Star Wars, the cornerstone of his research, had been turned on it's head. Was it Star Trek that was showing the way all along? He pulled out his pipe, took a couple of puffs and trudged off into the sunset.