Jade our first fan?

We at ie ulpster churnal prefer to report on the news as it happens out there in the real world rather than have the news happening to us. But recently this cosy understanding has been turned on its head as we have been targeted by the attentions of ex uk big brother contestant Jade.

Some of our more observant readers may have noticed comments sprinkled around our blog left by this very same Jade, and on the surface many of these comments are seemingly quite flattering or at least encouraging, however this is only part of the story.

Previously a dental nurse, Jade came to public attention in 2002 when she was a contestant in the third series of Big Brother. Since then, Jade appears almost constantly in celebrity, trivia, and gossip-oriented magazines such as heat and OK! magazine.

But there is another side to this minor celebrity, a side which until now has escaped the public eye. Our suspicions were first aroused when comments from Jade, which we quickly deleted, appeared on this very churnal. These comments provided hyperlinks to websites offering services such as increasing the size of your binjey using herbal products or obtaining fake university diplomas.

Alarmed by this turn of events we hired a top private investigator and IT security analyst, Maria Carnivore Montangne to find out more. What our investigator found went further than we feared even in our wildest nightmares. Maria explains, "I suspected that this could be an example of phishing on the internet, I innocently followed some of these links and quickly found that I was required to key my credit card details. Imagine my surprise when my binjey subsequently remained as it always was"

What happens next sounds unbelievable but is actually true. We found that the comments left by Jade also installed software in the computer after you had read them (a bit like when you play a Sony CD on your computer) This software installed components allowing Jade to monitor our bank accounts, transferring money into her own account and even giving her the ability to watch our every move as we cooked, ate and slept, via our webcams which now had backdoor access granted exclusively to her.

Using the very latest version of HTML technology, XML. Jade was able to push this even further and actually create an interface to her own mind and plug herself directly into the internet, causing the whole internet to become concious. In this way she has gained control over one and all of us, this includes the leaders of countries such as Korea and the USA the results are terrifying indeed.

However please do not be unduly alarmed, Maria Carnivore Montange has this advice. "To get rid of this software installed by Jade, simply ensure that your anti-virus software is up top date and give your computer a good reboot, Adios and remember surf save ;-)

Jade is out there. Be warned.