Before I answer theese weeks letters I want to share a teeny weeny of spanish wisdom with you. In spain we say, "Quien juega con fuego moja la cama!", or en inglish is, "he who plays with fire wets the bed!"
So, on with the letters, vamos!
Tia Maria,
I find that I am shocked quite easily these days by stuff I read on the internet and I'm sorry to say ie churnal is reaching that point too. Next thing you'll be publishing all those naughty swear words like pish for example. I could go on you know. Anyway keep up the good work a big thumbs up to ie churnal,
Simon Cowel
I'm sorry you feel that way Simon, at ie churnal we do not allow words such as 'chuffing', 'winkle' etc to be published - TM
Tia Maria,
I've given birth to a darling little baby whom I have named 'Metadata', however there is still no sign of Lykergus at all. When I went back to the hospital to have Lykergus the other day the nurses looked at me like I was mad.
Yours puzzled,
Beck McSpiz
I want to whisper three words to you that may shock and frighten you, "switched at birth!" - TM
Dear Maria,
I got drunk on Valentines day and accidentally gave my mother in-law a kinky webcam show over skype. Now my wife is refusing to come home from her holiday. What can I do to make it up to her?
Adria... erm I mean, Dixon Fire.
Tis easy no? first you give your wife lots to drink, and than you blame the mother-in-law for leading you on - TM
Hairy brown star, nads, pish, no, I already said that one... arse, chutney ferret, binkey,
Yours
Simon Cowel
Thank you Simon I had not heard of some of those ones - TM
Hi Maria,
Its been a while since there was a fight in these pages, how about matching up that fanny Natty with myself, the winner taking on Robin chickenbreast? I'll have them all out I'm the Scottish champ. Come oan!
Naomi
This is a possibility, perhaps we could arrange some sort of tag match and have both of them take you on at the same time to even up the odds - TM
Dear Tia Maria,
Last Thursday I lost a pound coin in the vicinity of the Ulpster telephone box. Coincidentally, later that day I found a pound coin in the same area. May I use your esteemed publication to ask your readers to contact me if they have found the pound that I lost, or if they think that the pound I have found belongs to them.
Yours, Aim Fire.
Thank you Aim, we will pass any correspondence recieved to you - TM
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