Letters to ie Churnal's favorite agony aunt

We are very happy to welcome back Baeky to ie churnal. As usual she is here to help with any of your problems. Here is a selection below.

Dear Baeky,

Many years ago I saw a letter in ie churnal where a young lad had a large slimey, brown, smelly, growth in his boxer shorts. The damnedest thing is the same thing happened to me shortly afterwards but I never kept my copy of 'ie churnal' and cannot remember the reply. In my case the growth is not slimey anymore, more kind of dry and with a cracked surface. If I prise it open slightly I can see what may be a peanut. Is it cancer?

Yours Aaron

Aaron, please don't worry unduly about this problem, it is nothing more than acne, a problem most adolescents unfortunately have to deal with. You can get medication for this at any chemist, or indeed supermarket. - Baeky

Dear Baeky,

Without fear of contridiction I say horses are the best animal, look at mine for example, much better than cats. Can you ride a cat? Like no way, whatever! Can a dog jump over a gate with you on its back. Hello? No way!

Mel

I think you'll find its contradiction Mel.
You are close, but no cigar, it's a well known fact that the best animal is a Unicorn which can do all the things you say AND poke you with a sharp pointy bit too - Baeky

Dear Baeky,

got some back copies of VIZ ? immy Miller for president?

Jim

I have some front copies, and you've spelled prison incorrectly. - Baeky

Dear Baeky

I've got a bun in the oven. How do I know when to take it out? Should I wait until it has turned brown?

Yours,

Bunny Becky's Big Buns

You should allow twenty minutes per pound plus twenty minutes. - Baeky

Dear Baeky,

I had a bun in the oven until today. All seems well as it is a nice dark brown colour. I have wrapped it in swaddling cloth and put it in a cot but it is stinking the room out. Is this normal and what can I do about it?

Yours,

Rude Dan Bum Baby Man

Perfectly normal Dan, I think you'll find the smell will disappear around about March. - Baeky

Send in your letters for 'Dear Baeky' to ulpsterchurnal@googlemail.com